Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize