cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
