I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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