somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
