And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
