The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
