god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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