I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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