You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
