I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am naked and annoyed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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