he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
