Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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