Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
