well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
