Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
