I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
