it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
