He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
