If i come over, it means nothing
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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