Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
