I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
