I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
