Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
People in love make me want to vomit
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Operation Purity has been aborted
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
