last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
