I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
