go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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