I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
