I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize