i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
