No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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