:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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