the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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