how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
