So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize