I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize