I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
