Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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