Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
