Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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