she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
