Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
