I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
