I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I want to fling myself into the sun
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
