Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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