I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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