unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
