"it" just moved
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
