i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
