Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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