If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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