Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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