I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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