There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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