And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
