I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
