i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize