that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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