i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
