My nipple is on Facebook.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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