obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
