APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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