i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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