I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
