We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize