You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
