Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
