Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
there is glitter all over my balls
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize