Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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