Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize