One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
