I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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